Introduction: Draft 3
After a rigorous application process and interviewing schedule, Modesto Junior College hired several new faculty members to its English department. And while we share a few characteristics, our unique personalities, preparation, teaching methods, education, and experiences provided for a well-rounded hire. The journey began in graduate school and continues today, and while we cannot claim to have the expertise and insight of a hiring committee, the process and subsequent reflection has taught us a lot about what it takes to get a full-time job at a community college in California. Furthermore, because the application process can be long and complex, we have concentrated on five main areas on which candidates will need to focus: innovative education and curriculum development, CV building, job research, the application packet, and the interview.
Is there anything I missed?
Is there anything we still would like to change?
Are there aspects that are repeated in the conclusion?
Is there anything I missed?
Is there anything we still would like to change?
Are there aspects that are repeated in the conclusion?
posted by Emalsam | 10:17 AM
2 Comments:
Looks good. I don't see anything that was missed--we'll add that footnote about our names, etc., and we'll add that part about serendipity in the conclusion. The paragraphs looks good as is, but I'm including some minor revisions in case you think any of them help to strengthen the paragraph.
After a rigorous application process and interviewing schedule, Modesto Junior College hired several new faculty members to its English department. [While those of us that were selected] share a few [essential?] characteristics, [it was] our unique personalities, [teaching methods, and backgrounds that] provided for a well-rounded hire. [Our] journey began in graduate school and continues today, and while we cannot claim to have the expertise and insight of a hiring committee, the process and subsequent reflection has taught us a lot about what it takes to get a full-time job at a community college in California. Furthermore, [Omit Furthermore?] because the application process can be long and complex, we have concentrated on five main areas on which candidates will need to focus: innovative education and curriculum development, CV building, job research, the application packet, and the interview.
I like Jason's suggestions. I'd also like to add that I am beginning to see the problem with the shifting POV that Emily noted when we met, specifically between S1 and 2. Is it too bland to simply say, "In the fall of 2005, we were asked to join the English Department at Modesto Junior College"? That's not the best, I know, but the focus needs to be on us, it seems, not MJC. Also, I'd like to suggest that we omit the clause that says, "The journey began in graduate school and continues today," partly because it's kinda vague and partly because the following clause flows much better from the previous sentence.
The conclusion is coming, I swear. Also, I never heard back from the TETYC editor.
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